She did it again. She did it with a smile and no apology. She did it as if no one else cared or was impacted. She did it, and it had an impact on me. I felt anger and offense. She needed something, and I offered it to her with a heart of impatience. My thoughts were not kind toward her, so my action was not done out of kindness. And, at that point, I felt justified. To be honest, every time I looked at her, I remembered her offense. I saw her as selfish and thoughtless. I saw her as careless and lazy. Her offense to me defined her in my eyes and clouded the view that I knew the Lord would have me see.
I looked again, and the still small voice of the Spirit spoke to me in the remembrance of His written Word. “Do all things without murmuring or complaining (grumbling or disputing), so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world” (Philippians 2:14-15). I had to be honest with myself. I was not walking, living, or acting in a manner worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27). I was justifying my feelings, thoughts, and behavior because she did act in an offensive way in my opinion. My problem was that I did not consider the actions of my own heart as offensive to God. It was then that I looked again and saw myself. I saw the ugliness of my own heart, and I repented. I agreed with God about myself because I remembered what He had done for me. Read Matthew 18 for insight into how God sees unforgiveness.
Having spent the majority of my life involved in church and ministry, I have seen and experienced the repercussions of offended believers. I, myself, have engaged in prolonged offense. I have acted according to my thoughts and feelings outside of the standard of God’s teachings. His standard is clear, and we, as believers, must stop believing that God “gets it” when we act contrary to His precepts. He does not allow us to continue in disobedience without His discipline. Hebrews 12 gives us insight into the discipline of the Lord.
He loves us indeed. And His forgiveness is real. His mercy and grace confirm His promise that He will finish the work He started in us (Philippians 1:6). But, believers, we must yield to His work in us. Our relationship with others who may and do offend us is the very arena where God can do His work in the inner man or woman. My offense with this individual served to show me MY heart. And that is what led to my repentance.
A friend shared with me something she read: “We label people so we don’t have to deal with them.” And, I might add, that we define people so we can justify our lack of love and unforgiveness. We label and move on as if God has nothing to show us about ourselves. I guarantee that in every offense, God has something to show us about ourselves. We aren’t offended or frustrated by others so we can act in anger, frustration, and offense. That comes too naturally. We are just acting like ourselves! Oh, but the grace and glory of God! We can, in our offended heart, respond in supernatural forgiveness and love because love covers a multitude of sins.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” Philippians 4:8.
Isn’t that what He has done for us? Why then do we hold others who “owe” us something and demand payment? Read Matthew 18 and see what God says will happen to those who do just that. They will be in “torture.” Metaphorically, they will be in “prison” until they forgive. They will be in bondage to their own anger, frustration, and possible hatred. Never free from the thoughts and emotions of anger and offense every time they see that individual. And I promise that offense becomes easier and easier to hold onto forming what some call “anger vision.”
Believers, let’s be honest with God and with ourselves. If you harbor anger, unforgiveness, and offense in your heart, you are not rightly related to God. Edith Eva Eger, a 16-year-old deported with her family to Auschwitz, wrote a book about her experiences, stating, “Forgiveness doesn’t excuse what happened. It’s not about changing the past-it’s about freeing the future.” Even Edith recognized the toil unforgiveness takes on someone. Maybe this is why we don’t see God’s power in the church today. We can still do ministry, and be a part of a church, but we will not be walking in the power of the Spirit or in obedience to God. We cannot lower His standard. That is not who we are now as born again children of God.
My offended heart was real. But I can never forget that my sin was real, too. He brought me out of darkness into light and now sees me as justified by the blood of Christ. How can I hold an offense toward another when He has done this for me? Our lack of forgiveness is as sinful as the offender’s act in God’s eyes. Saying you forgive is not the same as forgiving. Forgiveness comes out of the recognition of our own heart condition and what God has done for us. There are no “Buts” behind the words, “I forgive you.” We may have to talk about issues and behavior, but forgiveness is not an option.
I challenge you today to talk to God through His Word and prayer about the one who has offended you. Ask Him to show you how to respond, then go and do it! Go to someone today and ask for their forgiveness, or forgive your offender. Church, we are called and empowered to a higher standard that is supernatural in its effect. Obedience is God’s requirement and the great part of this is that He gives us the power to obey. His truth sets us free!
What good news!