Damaged Goods

The tears ran down the cheeks of the NYPD detective as she finally verbalized something she had resisted admitting for quite some time. Her friend, another detective, waited to hear what he already knew. The words were said with such resolve that the admission seemed almost freeing as she accepted a brutal truth. “I am damaged goods.” The other detective did not debate the admission in an attempt to make his friend feel better. He only added to it, stating, “That’s right.”

My mind began to consider the truth of this scene being played out on my tv. I have not heard many people call themselves damaged goods, and it can seem counter to what we hear in society today. Memes tout messages of self-love and remind us to tell ourselves and others how wonderful we are. We are encouraged to avoid seeing or embracing the negative in ourselves, and if we do see it, we boast that this is who we are and others can love us or leave us. So, I googled the definition. The words “damaged goods” caused me to reflect on my own life and how I see myself.

“Damaged goods” is a “person considered to be flawed or spoiled in character, efficiency or worth; a person regarded as inadequate or impaired in some way; a person whose reputation has been corrupted or tarnished (Merriam-Webster.com).” To see yourself as flawed in character or worth or inadequate or impaired in some ways does not, on the surface, lend itself to healthy self-esteem. We long to experience happy emotions and thoughts because we think those make life better, so we seek acclamation, and we run from what might cause us or others to think less of us. I have done the same in my life, and I have embraced the idea that negative “self-talk” is just, well, negative.

Okay, so I realize that we need to speak positively to ourselves, but what if some of the negative things we see in ourselves are positive? What I mean to say is, what if it is a positive thing to see and accept the things we don’t like in ourselves? What if being “damaged goods” and embracing that thought is the very place we need to be so we can walk in some freedom and move forward in our Christian life? I asked myself this question, and the answer convinced me that I was on to something.

Recently, I began a new journey, and it requires some knowledge of computer technology and savviness on social media, both of which I am sadly inept. It is a different language to this fifty-seven-year-old brain and learning how to speak it has led me down a path to thoughts of inadequacy. If I am not careful, such thinking can further lead me down a path to self-loathing. I have been there before. But my thoughts of inadequacy can be a positive force to push me to take a deeper look at those areas where I need to improve and try new things. Admitting to myself that I am not good at something can be a negative thought but also the first step in making a necessary change.

For most of us, seeing ourselves as ” damaged goods” does not equate with taking steps toward change but with a mind forever scarred by more profound, darker beliefs that imprison. Damaged goods are quickly thrown away or sold at a cheaper price since they are not as valuable. It would seem that identifying yourself in this way is not a positive step at all. But the following words spoken by the NYPD detective’s friend opened my eyes to biblical truth believers can miss. He said, “That’s right. And that’s okay. You think it’s a weakness? Make it a strength. It’s part of you. So, use it.”

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul shared a powerful truth that can rub us the wrong way. He spoke of a thorn in the flesh given to him by God to torment him so he would not exalt himself. He asked the Lord three times to take the thorn away, to which the Lord replied, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” To Paul, this meant he could boast about his weakness now instead of complaining or allowing it to take him down to a dark place in his mind. Paul’s response was to see his weakness as a place for strength, not his own, but God’s. Our struggle with weakness comes from a wrong view of ourselves. A view that only wants to see the positive in ourselves even if we delight in seeing the negative in others. Paul took this perspective so far as to say, “Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Instead of hiding or complaining about his weaknesses, Paul boasted about them. He was content with them. He was willing to “make it a strength” by allowing a place for God’s power to be perfected in him.

As a believer and a pastor’s wife, I am damaged goods. I have been rejected, losing community and relationships. I have experienced trials in my life that pointed out my inadequacies and impairments and possibly tarnished my reputation in the eyes of some. My desire as a pastor’s wife was to be all I expected others to be, but the circumstances and trials of life revealed significant self weaknesses I hated to look at, much less admit. I failed to be all that I wanted to be in the eyes of others. Failure, throw away, inadequate, and impaired are words that could come to mind but instead, I choose to look at myself as a place for the strength of God.

Identifying the damage in my own heart and embracing it as part of me allows the Spirit of God to use it for His glory and purpose. His purpose is to demonstrate His strength amid our weaknesses, so why would we not boast in the very thing which points to God? Believers, we all have something to boast about because, in our weakness, He is strong, and therefore we can boast most gladly!